Night At The Brewers Game

You can't tell from this photo, but my nose is bleeding.

Went to the Brewers game last night and watched them embarrass the Nationals.  Some highlights...

• A kid in the fourth inning announcing the players coming to bat was named "Jameson Bender."
• During the Power Fan segment where the jumbo screen shows random fans and then lets the crowd cheer for their favorite, one inattentive guy starts picking his nose in giant HD clarity.  He was powering something, but it wasn't Brewer fandom.
• College age guys behind us start talking about how beautiful Miller Park is, when one of them says, "Yeah, I mean look at this intricate steel work."
• Guy catches himself on the jumbo screen, sticks his tongue out enthusiastically while inadvertently giving a peace sign below, which can also double as a crude gesture involving lady parts.
• Brewers beat the Nationals decisively thanks to 9Ks from rookie pitcher Mike Fiers. 
• Opposing pitcher gave up four runs then left the game to this being shown on the big screen...

It's No Insanity Wolf, But I Like It

(COUGH! 10 Most Annoying Facebook Status Updates COUGH!)

A New Huffington Post Article On Why Romney Hasn't Released His Tax Returns

This is big, big news, people.


HuffPost: The Real Reason Romney Won't Release His Tax Returns

More as it develops.  Have a great day!

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UPDATE: Already someone has replied seriously to my article dismissing it as pure anti-Romney rhetoric. Yep... my article about Mitt Romney being a robot constructed by his father... and upgraded yearly to maintain the appearance of a normal growing human...

MAN, MY JOURNALISM HITS SO HARD!

I Nearly Fell Asleep Reading This License Plate

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

ROBE? What drives you to get ROBE on your plates?  Maybe your name is Robby and when you went to the DMV they were fresh out of good Robby vanity plates?

TRICK QUESTION!

As we've discussed, there are no "good" vanity plates.  It doesn't matter what it says, Robby, you're a terrible person.

You know, ROBE is actually on the Top Ten List of Utterly Mundane Vanity Plates Oh My God Get An Imagination.  Yes, "oh my god get an imagination" is included in the title.  ROBE is number 9, so not as terrible as OVAL, but pretty bad.

Top Ten List of Utterly Mundane Vanity

Plates Oh My God Get An Imagination

10. GLASS

9. ROBE

8. PASTE

7. 1234567

6. PENCIL

5. STRING

4. OVAL

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.... What?! Oh sorry, dosed off there for a second.

3. HAT

2. PAPER

1. ABCDEFG

Well, Robby (pronounced Robe), I hope you've learned a valuable lesson here.  I know I have.  Don't hang out with people named Robe.  Sorry, don't mean to... dis Robe?  Eh?  EH?

I'm sorry, you know what, I'll just go.

Shows of Decency

Sometimes putting yourself second is a tough thing to do. But it can make you feel really good, and to see it is so refreshing.  I mean, even simple things like holding a door for someone.  Whenever I do it, people are genuinely surprised.  They sort of flinch, like, "Please, don't hurt m---oh, why- why- thank you."  Like it's not something they see every day.  And maybe in general we don't so much.

But here are some shows of decency that I read about today and I thought I'd pass them on, in case you hadn't read about them.


When the students of Texas A&M heard that the bottom of the barrel folks at Westboro Baptist Church were going to protest the funeral of a soldier killed in action, an army of them gather around the church in maroon colors and formed a wall, blocking the Westboro members from distracting the proceedings.

Photo by 700WLW

On the heels of the Aurora, Colorado shooting at a midnight showing of the new film The Dark Knight Rises, Christian Bale, Batman himself, paid a visit to some of the victims.  He may be an asshole on the set, according to certain past viral videos, but he knows what it means to be a decent guy.

Photo by 107.9 The End

You Know What, Rolling Stone?

The way I squeal with delight for a new hard-hitting Matt Taibbi article is the way every sub-16 year old girl is reacting now to your magazine.  That makes me uncomfortable. 

I was all like baby, baby, baby... no.

We've no Bieber fever here.  Now be gone, before you bring a curse on this house!

You're on real thin ice, Rolling Stone.  Real baby, baby, baby thin ice.

Back From Vacay

Back from the Wisconsin peninsula, also know as the UP, and boy are my liberal ideals tired.  Sorry about using the term "vacay."  I thought that might make this post more youthful and edgy.  But really it just comes off sad, and perhaps a tad creepy.

I've always wondered about guys named Tad.  Do they end up killing themselves after years of...

"Hey, Tad Phillips.  Are you a... tad Phillips? Bahahaha."

Oh, that's so funny, let me just get a TAD around your FREAKING NECK AAHHHHHHHH!  Seems like what would happen.

Anyway, back from hiatus.

Hello.

My Local Library Has Blocked My Website

I was at the library, doing the usual.  You know, pretending to read books far above my reading level, waiting for someone to start a conversation about what I was pretending to read, reacting to them as if I was in the midst of traumatic night terrors, and then screaming away to my next adventure.

So I head for this blog, and I get this...

You know what, if being the Internet's global hub for Italian and Portuguese pornography is wrong, well then I guess my local library and I have very different standards indeed!

All I'm trying to do with this blog is express myself in a creative way, maintain a sort of online portfolio (key phrase: sort of), and provide my readers with quality Italian and Portuguese pornography at a reasonable cost.

I can't stress enough the quality of this pornography.  In fact, if presented with the sheer quality, I think the library would have no choice but to reinstate my blog.

Italian on Italian, Portuguese on Portuguese, Italian on Portuguese, Portuguese on Italian donkey, Portuguese mule on Italian.  I mean, the list goes on and on and on and on....

To suppress this unequaled high quality selection, a selection without peers, a selection almost unearthly in its scope... frankly, I'm sickened. 

Well, if you'll excuse me, I have a hot tip on some Italian dog on Portuguese cat videos.

If He Weighs The Same As A Duck, He's Made of Wood, And Therefore... A WITCH!

After doing this, this guy should be able to pick any girl from the crowd and just have his way with her.  Ridiculous.

The Midnight Sun

The Twilight Zone marathon has been rolling all day thankd to our nation's birthday. But this 4th of July has been particularly hot. No, hot isn't the right word. Satan's asshole is more appropriate. It's fucking HOT.

Wisconsin is hitting 100 degrees regularly all over the state. Over the course of three days. And in perfect poetic timing the Twilight Zone doesn't fail to deliver.   This is what Wisco feels like today...

I present the climactic clip from the episode "The Midnight Sun," written by Rod Serling.