Friday, May 4, 2012

Ideas For Static Channels

So I was at a bar and on the TV was an aquarium scene, with fish frolicking about happily.  It looked wonderful.  I could have watched it all night.  It got me thinking, there must be a channel that shows just aquariums, similar to those fireplace DVDs people buy that show only a calm peaceful fireplace for 4.7GB.

Here are some other static channel ideas I think would be very popular based on living in this world on a daily basis.

The Aquarium Channel
As mentioned before, this must exist.  I was quite mesmerized by this.  And I'm sure the house cat lobby was all over the cable providers to get this channel implemented.

The Accident Gawker Channel
Just an accident scene to sit, relax, and gawk at.  Something's happening but you're not sure.  They just took that guy out on a stretcher but we're not sure if he was in that car or that car.  That women over there said the car flipped over that rail and just... you know, shit... I know, I was just eating these chips and all of a sudden, you know, boom.  Hope everyone's okay. *open second bag of chips*

The Girlfriend Waiting For An Explanation Channel
This channel could get a little uncomfortable.  A girl is just a few feet in front of you, staring.  She's waiting for an explanation.  It's pretty clear that you've done something wrong.  In all likelihood, you're guilty, but you don't really know what to say.  And she has no plan to say anything at all.  Her arms are crossed, her foot is thumping the floor, and she's waiting to hear what you have to say for yourself.  Better think of something or turn the channel.

The Functionless Expensive Things Channel
You spent a lot of money on those things which just sort of sit there and have no real utility.  May as well dedicate a channel to watching them.  That vase seems nice.  So does that plaster lion paw sitting on your coffee table.  Too bad they don't really do much other than sit there.  Yeah sure, turn the volume up all the way, it won't matter.