Shortly after man is saved by bear...
MANCool, well, thanks a lot for saving me from that bear.
BEAROh yeah, it's no trouble, you know, I was just kind of passing through and you looked like you could have used some help.
MANYeah, no, I totally appreciate that. It was really great that you were here.
BEARYeah, I mean, I know what it can be like to sort get stuck in the middle of nowhere and something's trying to kill you, it's not too fun.
MAN
Oh totally, totally.
BEARWell...
MANYeah I should probably get going. Wife'll be wondered where I went off to...
BEARI mean, I really can't just let you go...
MANWhat's that?
BEARYeah, I mean, I really can't let you go. I mean, you're a food source, I got my cubs here, we all really need to eat something. Plus we're bears, we're pretty indiscriminate when we're hungry.
MANOh really? Oh that's too bad.
BEARYeah.
MANI mean I really respect that you don't discriminate.
BEARYeah, we're pretty forward thinking as far as forest creatures go.
MANCool, yeah, that's great. That's great.
BEARAlright so, is there any special way you wanna do this to make it go by quicker. I'd really like to get this going before the ranger gets here. I'm sure he heard all that screaming and whatnot from the mountain lion that I saved you from.
MANYeah, I don't know, is there anyway I could talk you out of eating me.
BEARYou know, not really. I hate to be so firm on this, but I have been trying to be more assertive in my everyday life, you know exude more confidence.
MANNo, that's awesome. You have to, you know. I always tell my wife that, sometimes you have to be the asshole.
BEARExactly. Exactly. I'm trying to tell my cubs that. You gotta stick up for yourself.
MANCould I invite you over for dinner? We could cook you a nice meal and you could meet my wife. You wouldn't have to go through the trouble of eating me.
BEARYou know, I'd probably just end up eating your wife, too. I mean, I can put down probably two humans, plus what my cubs eat. And you look like you don't have too much weight on you.
MANThanks, you know I've been trying to lose some weight.
BEAROh well, it's working, whatever you're doing.
MANAw, thanks, I appreciate that.
BEAR
No problem, no problem. Okay, well, on with the show I guess--
RANGERHey, what's going on here, everyone okay?
MANYeah, yeah, we're all good. A mountain lion attacked me and this bear stopped it.
BEARActually yeah, we were kind of in the middle of something, so if you could be on your way, that'd be great.
RANGERSorry, can't leave you two alone. You're gonna have to get back out into the woods.
BEARWhat? Aw, come on. You know what, this sucks. I come out here, I save this guy's life, I put myself and my cubs at risk, and I get nothing in return.
RANGERWell, I'm sorry your disappointed.
MANYeah, I'm sorry.
BEAROh, you're sorry? Well, sorry isn't gonna feed my kids you know. This is just like humans. You guys suck. You have sucky attitudes.
MANOh we have sucky attitudes?
BEARYeah you have a very unbalanced sucky attitude towards life.
MANUnbalanced?
BEARYeah, I mean you come in here into my home and you hike through for exercise to try and lose that spare tire around your waist...
MAN
Oh, okay, try to hurt me and my feelings, that's mature, after all the nice things you said?
BEARYou know what, I just feel a little slighted by this whole experience. And I think I should leave before I say something that I'll regret.
MANYeah maybe we should all just go our separate ways.
BEARYeah, yeah, I hope you both enjoy your wonderful walk through my home, after I saved you from being killed by a mountain lion... unbelievable...
