Thursday, February 2, 2012

Wisconsin is Becoming the Set of 'Deliverance'

It's amazing to me. With this recent news story, WI Sisters Allegedly Sexually Assaulted High School Student With Pliers, I am amazed that my beloved home state of Wisconsin -- land of progressive thinking people, the quarterback friendly Green Bay Packers, and cheese curds -- is turning into a backwoods hillbilly habit-trail.

Two girls made a guy drink pee and then twisted his junk with some pliers because he refused to have sex with one of them.  And now, given the former information, it seems like his latter refusal was based on sound logic.

His genes were telling him, "Wait, no, this is the shallow end.  Let's swim over to the deep end, where girls use pliers for jobs they were designed for and girls understand that if urine was meant to be drank, it wouldn't try so hard to exit your body."

Our country is so ready to tackle Middle Eastern terrorist threats, to the extent that books you get at the library may be noted by authorities.  But I move that equal scrutiny be given to people who go to the library to check out any of the following...

  • The banjo sheet music to the film score of Deliverance 
  • Moonshine guides for kids
  • Hannah Montana: The Complete Series
  • Toby Keith-Away Those Gay Tendencies
  • How to Look Your Sexiest in Time for Family Reunion Season

I would argue that these people are the greatest danger to our national security.  They'll rot our country from the inside, like urine in your stomach, and twist our sense of who we are as a nation, like pliers on a penis.