"Boo!" Goes the Homeowners' Blight!

Doesn't this just make you feel warm inside?  Not warm cozy, but more like that warm sensation before an alien bursts from your chest?  Though, I'm sure the alien is warm and cozy in there up until his violent exodus.

Alternet: New York's Largest Foreclosure Firm Mocks Downtrodden Homeowners at Halloween Party

New Cartoon: "Better Half?"

Culver's, You Deliciously Evil Temptress

They're building a Culver's near my house. Right next to the road where I jog.

And soon, used to jog.
Soon after that, used to walk.
Soon after that, used to be pushed on some wheeled cart.
Soon after that, used to drive in my standard sized car.
Soon after that, used to be specially driven in a special van built special for me.
Soon after that, used to be specially driven in a friend's front loader.
Soon after that, used to drive my surveillance equipped remote controlled car, before my very own girth blocks the radio waves and renders the car useless.
Soon after that, used to telepathically view before poor circulation makes brain power too limited a resource.
Soon after that, used to have described to me by neighborhood kids, before my appearance becomes the stuff of local horror legend.

Mmm, yeah.  It's going to be pretty delicious.

Fortune Cookie Innards

"Your lost possession will be found within the month."

Oh, did you mean the food I bought, possessed and ate earlier in the day, but am now repossessing thanks to the food poisoning your food is causing me?  WONDERFUL!  And it didn't even take a month!

The World is Put Into Perspective Once Again by 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia'

Child Abandonment of Biblical Proportions

I've discovered there's a piece of baby furniture called a Moses basket, obviously alluding to the biblical tale of Moses being placed in a basket by his mother and sent off down the Nile.

Yes, friends, what better way to show your child that you love him/her than with a basket carrying a namesake that endorses child abandonment?  Child abandonment of biblical proportions.  Maybe this basket should also include a visit from child protective services.

"Excuse me, my wife and I are looking for a baby basket.  Ooh, this one looks nice.  Well, we're not really that concerned with it lasting too long, per se.  Here's a question for you though: what's the buoyancy like on this model?  Hmm.  Oh no, this isn't for a baby.  We're just looking to send a package down a river in a very unorthodox fashion.

I would say the package weighs 8 to 10 pounds.  Right, honey?  Yes, 8 to 10 pounds.  However, she is growing fast, so that could change.  What?  Oh, right, right, yes, by "she" I am referring to the package.  We've grown so attached to it -- the package -- that we've begun personifying it.  But, yes, the longer we wait to purchase the basket, the larger the package will become.  As all packages do.

We also want to make sure the sun won't get in her eyes.  I mean the package's eyes.  I mean the dotted i's of the address on the package.  Yes, yes, if the sun fades the address then no one will know who it goes to.

Suspicious?  What do you mean?"

New Cartoon: "Dinosaur & Kitty III"

(Click to experience.)

Octomom Lands Role In Horror Flick

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/12/octomom-nadya-suleman-movie-millennium-on-set-photos_n_1007539.html

OCTOMOM:  So, am I going to play the scared-chick-with-inner-strength who gets the killer in the end?

PRODUCER:  No, basically we want you to recreate squeezing eight children through your vagina all at once.

Great Article On The Occupy Wall Street Movement

What the Occupy Wall Street

protesters are so angry about.

(Hint: it's not a sense of self-hate they feel from

using iPhones and drinking Starbucks.)

I Go On A Zombie Bicycle Bar Crawl

On Saturday, I went on a pub crawl, for which the theme was zombies on bicycles.  So imagine a few hundred people -- drunker as the evening went on -- riding their bikes across busy city streets, halting traffic, and dressed as zombies.

Yeah, I know, awesome.

I'm sure more than a few people thought we were approaching the end of days or some coming apocalypse, and I'm glad I could be a part of that.   I was an 1800s era boxer...

"Square up to me,  you roustabout!"

My name was Rutherford J. Applebottom.  Or Cornelius Sue Belltower.  Or Archibald Evergreen Thackles.  Or Tennessee James Macklemoney III.

There are certain things you worry about during a zombie bike ride pub crawl that you don't get to worry about... well, during any other time in your life.  For a reason, I suppose.  For instance...

• Where's my extra blood?  This wound/gash has stopped dripping.
• How will I ride this bike that has only two handles with 4 hands, 2 of them severed?
• Is that girl checking me out, or is that eye hanging off her cheek fake?
• Can someone hold my bleeding, puss-filled, severed head on a chain, I'm gonna just buy 3 beers so I don't have to come back and get more.
• Dude, watch out, you're stepping on my black, torn wedding gown!
• Do you have enough room in your demon fetus bag?  I can't fit anything else into my conjoined twin backpack.

Oh, and check out my new and improved 1800s page banner.

BREW CREW!

My team the Milwaukee Brewers secured their spot in the National League Championship series against the Cardinals tonight, beating the Diamondbacks 3-2 in 10 innings.  Nyjer Morgan, T-Plush, came up CLUTCH, hitting Carlos "the Flash" Gomez in from second.



Home field advantage!  I have no words to express my excitement, so I'll just post this picture of a shirt I found in a thrift store today.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Dummy Box

I've been busy with another job, so I haven't graced the blogosphere lately.  But it hasn't been a total loss.  This is a box I found while working this week.  Just a box used to fill space in bigger shipping boxes.

"I'm just as smart and as capable as any of you, and I can do all the things a regular box can do!  If you cut me, do I not collapse?!  What are you staring at?!  You like looking at the soulless, heartless, brainless freak?!  Why don't you pull back my flaps and check out my insides, like some kind of autopsy table meat?!  Oh wait, that's right, you can't, I'M EMPTY INSIDE!" 

(Dummy Box runs away sobbing.)

 

Kind Of Cool If You're A Comic Book Fan

Check it out...

  

Swedish Artist, Andreas Englund, Paints Aging Superhero

"Ever wonder what would happen to your favorite superhero as he or she began to age, gradually becoming less lithe and more, well, enfeebled?

That's what Swedish artist Andreas Englund thought when he began his tenderly comic new series that depict a jump-suited crusader in his twilight years -- as a man who still has the power to defeat the bad guys, but might have to catch his breath afterward. Englund's series was recently displayed at Stockholm’s Lydmar Hotel this past summer."