Race Cards for White People

I was at a thrift store earlier today and came across this wonderful item.

The race car driver on the box 
lets you know it's for White people.

For the White person who has everything, except a tool of recourse against the deluge of racism he/she faces every day.  And to make you feel more comfortable with it, White people, it's endorsed by NASCAR driver and verified White guy, Darrell Waltrip.

My Birthday

It's my birthday.  I wanted to take this opportunity to thank biological chemistry for making this all happen.  You couldn't see me just then, but when I typed "this" I dramatically gestured with one hand down the length of my body as if to say to all those watching, "This is what's currently on the menu."

Today on the menu, we have a lovely 28 year old male, sauteed in a cheesy mishmash of brains and funny bone marrow.  The brains will fall off the bone as they've been softened to perfection by many nights out, not to mention thousands of hours of cartoons.

Try to stay away from this, ladies.  Just try.

Hello?

My Name Is Andy McDonald

Hi there.

I don't believe we've been properly introduced.  No, we don't need to hug.  I know you find me very attractive, but that's really not necessary.  No, there's no need to grab my crotch either.  I agree it is quite large and hard to ignore, no pun intended, but still, I don't see the need to grab onto--

Oh, so now you're just gonna full on kiss me on the lips, I see.  Well, I guess there's nothing I can do about it now.  What's done is done.  But let's just move on and begin this internet relationship like grown--

Oh, don't cry.  Listen, I didn't mean to embarrass you like that.  But that's just not the way I roll.  No, your lips are very soft and sensuous.  No, I did enjoy it, but when I started this site, this isn't really what I had in--

Okay, so now your breasts are fully exposed. Why would you do that?  Ah, what to do, what to do...  no, they're nice.  They seem very firm and perky.  No, you don't have to grab and squeeze them all sexily, I believe you.  And you don't have to guide my hands across them--

You know what, this isn't working out.  Maybe you should just put your shirt back on and go.