Thursday, July 14, 2011

Worst Things to Say While Hitting On a Girl

1.  People tell me we look alike!
2.  I'm just saying, they call it statutory for a reason.
3.  My friends told me I'd never fit a bed in the back seat of a '88 Mercury Topaz, but I guess I'm just an overachiever.
4.  My ex was pretty hot.  Actually, I think I still have her picture in my phone.  Oh yeah, it's my background, see?
5.  I've got my ex's name tattooed on my body, but hey, it's your name too, so all good, right?
6.  Oh, I'm not religious, I just like their wine a lot.

8.  Hey, what's your name?  Oh funny, that was my cellmate's name.  Well, is my cellmate's name, I should say.
9.  If by "kids" you mean "kids I take care of" then nope, no kids.
10.  Patience, penis.  Patience.