SantaCon Is Over, Santa Bodies Aren't Littering The Streets, And I Feel Cheated

This weekend, SantaCon took over Manhattan. If you didn't know, SantaCon is a bar crawl where a lot of young people dress up in Santa or Elf-themed costumes, and then proceed to completely embarrass themselves.

And yet, in the aftermath of SantaCon, the event that is an excuse to ignore society's generally agreed-upon rules of peeing, I'm always disappointed.

Another year of Santa Con and I see no Santa bodies littering the streets, no bulldozers piling up Santa against walls they might have peed on the night before, no city employees patrolling the streets in hazmat suits spraying Kringle mounds with MTA-approved flame throwers.

Oh well, what could have been ...

Oh well, maybe next year.


5 Keys To Success, No Matter Who Or Where You Are In the Universe

5. Exist. It's important that you exist. Otherwise, your ability to do things may be compromised by your inability to exist to do those things.

4. Learn to make cakes. Cakes are delicious, and you never know when you'll need a good cake. Everyone loves cakes, except people who don't exist, in which case, who cares, what are they going to do about it?

3. Create an effective defense or escape plan for when those people who don't exist finally start existing and suddenly want to punish us for not acknowledging them prior to their existing. Perhaps start ceasing to exist yourself. Yeah, NOW WHAT, people who until just recently didn't exist?? You might exist, but now we don't, so you're once again not on our team. BOOM.

2. Appease the giraffes. Never forget. Appease the giraffes. You've been warned.

1. Last, and most important obviously, stay in school. ... No, like physically stay on the premises forever. Find a home within the building, perhaps a rarely used office or storage closet. Acquire the necessary items for sustained habitation. Get good and comfy. This is your home now.

And that spells SUCCESS.


Take A Hot Trump... For Example

So this candidate Trump shows some flare
Many thought he did not have a prayer
But in the politics game
He's cares only for fame
And is only consistent with hair.


When It Comes To Comic Book Movies, As Usual, Reddit Gets It

If you've seen the photos of Apocalypse in the previews for the upcoming X-Men movie, your reaction was probably like that of most fans: "Ehhhh, okay." The same can be said for Dr. Doom in the newest Fantastic Four reboot.

With the CG technology, and our imaginations not limited to simply costumes and makeup, why do studios insist on changing so dramatically characters that are not only beloved for a reason, but that work perfectly fine in their original form?

Sometimes, that recent trend of creating the imaginary to appear "realistic" has a way of backfiring. Studios should realize that it is enough to simply breath life into these characters by bringing them to the big screen without trying to make them "science-accurate."

This photo from Reddit sums it up. 

Anyway, back to my nerd lair.


To The Person Who Is Reading This Open Letter About This Open Letter You're Reading

Let me first say, thank you.

This post hasn’t had an easy life. It started out as nothing. The bills were piling up. Family and friends had lost faith in its ability to get done.

And slowly with the help of a few good samaritans like yourself, it’s blossomed into the series of words that you’re reading right now.

You saw this post hitchhiking around on the information super highway and instead driving past, you stopped and you gave this little post a chance. Counted out by so many, this post had no one to turn to, and you stepped up.

You didn’t clap for my super unathletic weiner kid playing sports. You didn’t pay for my expensive Starbucks drink which, let’s be honest, I only get on the slight chance someone in front of me will pay for it. And you didn’t leave me a smile as a tip, which my student loan officer continues to refuse as payment.

The truth is, you didn’t have to click on this post at all. And you didn’t have to read this post which thanks you for reading this post you didn’t have to click on. But despite the adversity placed in your path, you forged ahead and proved that you did read this post.

It’s not a perfect post, and will never claim to be. And yet, like people, that’s what makes posts great, the imperfections. But you know what is perfect? You’re curiosity.

Thank you.