SantaCon Is Over, Santa Bodies Aren't Littering The Streets, And I Feel Cheated

This weekend, SantaCon took over Manhattan. If you didn't know, SantaCon is a bar crawl where a lot of young people dress up in Santa or Elf-themed costumes, and then proceed to completely embarrass themselves.

And yet, in the aftermath of SantaCon, the event that is an excuse to ignore society's generally agreed-upon rules of peeing, I'm always disappointed.

Another year of Santa Con and I see no Santa bodies littering the streets, no bulldozers piling up Santa against walls they might have peed on the night before, no city employees patrolling the streets in hazmat suits spraying Kringle mounds with MTA-approved flame throwers.

Oh well, what could have been ...

Oh well, maybe next year.


To The Person Who Is Reading This Open Letter About This Open Letter You're Reading

Let me first say, thank you.

This post hasn’t had an easy life. It started out as nothing. The bills were piling up. Family and friends had lost faith in its ability to get done.

And slowly with the help of a few good samaritans like yourself, it’s blossomed into the series of words that you’re reading right now.

You saw this post hitchhiking around on the information super highway and instead driving past, you stopped and you gave this little post a chance. Counted out by so many, this post had no one to turn to, and you stepped up.

You didn’t clap for my super unathletic weiner kid playing sports. You didn’t pay for my expensive Starbucks drink which, let’s be honest, I only get on the slight chance someone in front of me will pay for it. And you didn’t leave me a smile as a tip, which my student loan officer continues to refuse as payment.

The truth is, you didn’t have to click on this post at all. And you didn’t have to read this post which thanks you for reading this post you didn’t have to click on. But despite the adversity placed in your path, you forged ahead and proved that you did read this post.

It’s not a perfect post, and will never claim to be. And yet, like people, that’s what makes posts great, the imperfections. But you know what is perfect? You’re curiosity.

Thank you.


Here Are Even More Ninja Jokes, Proving That I Love You A Whole Lot, Internet

Yeah, ninjas!
Yeah, jokes!
Yeah, you!

There are two kinds of ninjas in this world.
The kind that's right behind you, and---

If a ninja is on a train traveling 50mph from Chicago to Denver, how long before you notice everyone on board is dead and you're all alone?

Why can't ninjas trace?
Because it's impossible for them to leave one!

How do you know when a ninja's drunk?
He'll kill both of you!

If a ninja has five apples and he gives one to Jim and one to Susie, how many apples does he have left?
Five. And two corpses.

What is a ninja's favorite book?
The one you're currently distracted by!

What is a ninja's preferred airline?

How many ninjas do you need for a band?
Oh, just one, a ninja can easily kill a whole band.

Where does a ninja take someone on a first date?
Don't you mean... A LAST DATE?!


10 More Ninja Jokes I Wrote For You, Because I Love You And Ninjas

You know you wanted them. So here they are, more ninja jokes...

What do you use to hunt a ninja?
Your life!

How will you know when you've met a ninja?
The grim reaper will tell you!

What's a ninja's favorite sport?
You and everyone you care about!

How does a ninja change a tire?
He waits for you to change yours, then your life and car are his!

How much do you pay a ninja for a job---
Aaaaaaaand your money's gone.

A ninja, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Good to see you two!"

What's a ninja's favorite vacation spot?
Whatever yours was!

How many throwing stars does a ninja have on him?
None, they're all on you!

How does a ninja celebrate your birthday?
Atop your grave!

What do you call a surprise party for a ninja?
A surprise mass funeral!